I live a simple life that is endlessly complicated by people and things that try to understand me; as if there's an ulterior motive to anything I do, consumed by the need to know more... that there has to be more than what they can see.
Simple is not always enough for people who live in an age where they're bombarded with information from everyone and everything whether they want that information or not. The fact that negative news tend to spread quicker than positive news doesn't help the matter either. And it all becomes this chaotic, noisy mess of data, a sea of people, events and things that a person is repeatedly dunked into until he finds himself drowning, saved by a boat - or he learns to swim himself.
SILENCE.
It was often said that what people need today is Silence. Not just the Silence limited to the ears but Silence of the mind and body, stillness, tranquility, a PEACE.
What people don't tell you is that there are different kinds of Silence. And while the whole ZEN-mode SILENCE and meditation is often heard and praised there is another that is more common and much much more dangerous.
And this is my type of silence. This is OUR type of silence. I'm not the first one to keep this silence and I won't be the last; Because I'm not the only one living a simple life that is made complicated by people who don't know me.
Like most stories, this starts at my school...
While some would choose the usual High School setting, mine started way earlier, living in a time when children are good when they are silent and proper. Good also means no punishment. And so we all tried to be good.
And I wasn't really quiet. No, I was very talkative. I wanted to talk with classmates, to laugh about random things, to find a best friend that will last forever - normal, kid stuff. I got in trouble for talking with seatmates instead of listening to the teachers and did my fair share of standing in front of the class being asked what was so important it couldn't wait until recess...
And then it started. When the bullying started, that was when my mouth found a pause button and my body found the retreat one.
I can go on about the bullying but I won't. There's already too many stories of that in the internet. I would say, that as I got even more withdrawn from people, the bullying got worse.
At a time when I was proud of my imagination and could tell people stories that merge fact and fiction (ghost stories - even made-up ones were our favorite), I also realized, that I had just a handful of friends... none, in fact from third grade below, one in fourth grade, and by sixth grade: four. And I was still only close with one of them.
Without people who really knew me, I had few to vouch for who I really was when things escalated.
Fact (to those who still don't know): The world of the students is different from the world of the teachers, no matter how much they think they're in the loop. Teachers would mostly see students based on who can do what FIRST (A+ students, the performers, the teacher's assistant, the one most likely to end up in the guidance office, etc.), FOLLOWED by how they see kids socially (who's most likely to get bullied) BEFORE they even scratch the surface of knowing who these individual kids are beneath the school archetypes.
Well, not all teachers. But teachers who do manage to get that close to a student could face serious accusations. Teachers and students are supposed to be just that, no more - no less and for good reasons. So, I'm not holding anything against teachers who keep it professional. They should, they really should...
But that just goes back to what happens in the STUDENT WORLD, almost always STAYS in the STUDENT WORLD.
So a girl who's doing well in her studies, gets along with people and seldom gets into trouble won't be seen as a threat or cause of worry in any teacher's radar. But in the student body, oh boy, secrets are powerful things.
What do you really do after school? Just go home? That's it? Can't be.
He's not really friends with you, is he? I don't believe you. So you only have them as friends? You should get out more.
Ah, we get it, you're too good for us. Goody-two-shoes, types. I bet there's a dark side to you.
No way! You can see ghosts? That's impossible. She tells horror-stories. You're so weird.
Guys, I think she called herself a witch. She's a witch?!
Witch. WITCH. You're a witch, right?
See how that escalated quickly? That's what you get when you try to summarize a few years into a couple of sentences.
Anyway, yeah, I stayed silent. Meaning the rumors just got worse and even more ridiculous. That's what happens when you don't deny or confirm anything. When people can't find anything on you, some won't hesitate to make their own conclusions and SHARE that conclusion to other people.
And even though that all happened years ago (and some still think I'm a witch), I like being an enigma. I share what I want to share and that usually seldom involves something really personal about me...
Unless, I'm writing. :) All these blog posts that no one reads contain me. A 'me' I'm editing to be shared, it's true. But it's much more than any person might get, nonetheless...
Now, this is MY SILENCE. Thankfully it evolved into something creative. Other people, weren't so lucky and their SILENCE only spurs more conspiracies against them. Some, like me, transcend to a new form of Silence, a silence that isn't so very suspicious, that is respectful and therefore deserves respect as well... but others are "silenced forever". (Referring to "The Sisterhood of Night" - Google it XD )
So, next time someone tells you that we need silence in our lives it may also be helpful to you to think about WHAT needs to be SILENCED and WHAT needs to be HEARD. Too much of either is poison.
Especially, to those living a simple life amidst a world who wants more, endlessly complicating your simplicity to satisfy the craving for the next headline.
Simple is not always enough for people who live in an age where they're bombarded with information from everyone and everything whether they want that information or not. The fact that negative news tend to spread quicker than positive news doesn't help the matter either. And it all becomes this chaotic, noisy mess of data, a sea of people, events and things that a person is repeatedly dunked into until he finds himself drowning, saved by a boat - or he learns to swim himself.
SILENCE.
It was often said that what people need today is Silence. Not just the Silence limited to the ears but Silence of the mind and body, stillness, tranquility, a PEACE.
What people don't tell you is that there are different kinds of Silence. And while the whole ZEN-mode SILENCE and meditation is often heard and praised there is another that is more common and much much more dangerous.
And this is my type of silence. This is OUR type of silence. I'm not the first one to keep this silence and I won't be the last; Because I'm not the only one living a simple life that is made complicated by people who don't know me.
Like most stories, this starts at my school...
While some would choose the usual High School setting, mine started way earlier, living in a time when children are good when they are silent and proper. Good also means no punishment. And so we all tried to be good.
And I wasn't really quiet. No, I was very talkative. I wanted to talk with classmates, to laugh about random things, to find a best friend that will last forever - normal, kid stuff. I got in trouble for talking with seatmates instead of listening to the teachers and did my fair share of standing in front of the class being asked what was so important it couldn't wait until recess...
And then it started. When the bullying started, that was when my mouth found a pause button and my body found the retreat one.
I can go on about the bullying but I won't. There's already too many stories of that in the internet. I would say, that as I got even more withdrawn from people, the bullying got worse.
At a time when I was proud of my imagination and could tell people stories that merge fact and fiction (ghost stories - even made-up ones were our favorite), I also realized, that I had just a handful of friends... none, in fact from third grade below, one in fourth grade, and by sixth grade: four. And I was still only close with one of them.
Without people who really knew me, I had few to vouch for who I really was when things escalated.
Fact (to those who still don't know): The world of the students is different from the world of the teachers, no matter how much they think they're in the loop. Teachers would mostly see students based on who can do what FIRST (A+ students, the performers, the teacher's assistant, the one most likely to end up in the guidance office, etc.), FOLLOWED by how they see kids socially (who's most likely to get bullied) BEFORE they even scratch the surface of knowing who these individual kids are beneath the school archetypes.
Well, not all teachers. But teachers who do manage to get that close to a student could face serious accusations. Teachers and students are supposed to be just that, no more - no less and for good reasons. So, I'm not holding anything against teachers who keep it professional. They should, they really should...
But that just goes back to what happens in the STUDENT WORLD, almost always STAYS in the STUDENT WORLD.
So a girl who's doing well in her studies, gets along with people and seldom gets into trouble won't be seen as a threat or cause of worry in any teacher's radar. But in the student body, oh boy, secrets are powerful things.
What do you really do after school? Just go home? That's it? Can't be.
He's not really friends with you, is he? I don't believe you. So you only have them as friends? You should get out more.
Ah, we get it, you're too good for us. Goody-two-shoes, types. I bet there's a dark side to you.
No way! You can see ghosts? That's impossible. She tells horror-stories. You're so weird.
Guys, I think she called herself a witch. She's a witch?!
Witch. WITCH. You're a witch, right?
See how that escalated quickly? That's what you get when you try to summarize a few years into a couple of sentences.
Anyway, yeah, I stayed silent. Meaning the rumors just got worse and even more ridiculous. That's what happens when you don't deny or confirm anything. When people can't find anything on you, some won't hesitate to make their own conclusions and SHARE that conclusion to other people.
And even though that all happened years ago (and some still think I'm a witch), I like being an enigma. I share what I want to share and that usually seldom involves something really personal about me...
Unless, I'm writing. :) All these blog posts that no one reads contain me. A 'me' I'm editing to be shared, it's true. But it's much more than any person might get, nonetheless...
Now, this is MY SILENCE. Thankfully it evolved into something creative. Other people, weren't so lucky and their SILENCE only spurs more conspiracies against them. Some, like me, transcend to a new form of Silence, a silence that isn't so very suspicious, that is respectful and therefore deserves respect as well... but others are "silenced forever". (Referring to "The Sisterhood of Night" - Google it XD )
So, next time someone tells you that we need silence in our lives it may also be helpful to you to think about WHAT needs to be SILENCED and WHAT needs to be HEARD. Too much of either is poison.
Especially, to those living a simple life amidst a world who wants more, endlessly complicating your simplicity to satisfy the craving for the next headline.