Don't know what's worseApr 23, '09 10:41 PM
for everyoneDon’t know what’s worse
I don’t know what’s worse: not having any contact with him or what we’re doing now?
As if it wasn’t obvious, I cannot stay away. No matter how much I know it’s gonna hurt I just miss my cousin too much. He’s online most of the time as am I so I frequently see his name in my friend’s list. I deleted him once only to add him once again. Now, I’m undecided (and yet I know what I would eventually do. It’s kinda predictable, isn’t it?) whether it will hurt me more to cut him off my life completely or what we’re doing now, pretending nothing ever happened?
Yes, pretending. As if we could ever forget those trips to the cemetery, the fact that instead of attending the prom we watched the sunset, the way we stayed up late just wasting our (text) loads. Or how about the time we went to Luneta, my poor sense of direction, the battle of the bands and the moments I would just lean on him? Well, maybe he could forget. If not, maybe he could make no big deal about all we’ve been through. But not I. I can’t just disregard all of that.
The fact of the matter is he’s the only one I ever truly trusted. I trusted him with my soul. If he sold it to the devil I knew there was good reason and would not ask him to change his mind. He was the only person whose opinion of me mattered.
For the record, it’s 10:32PM and I’m chatting with him.
And now we’re in a one-way road. We can’t turn back and there seems to be no fork in the road. It seems we have to continue on with this single line until we’re too far from where we were once before. Sigh. Should I just keep looking back when I know what lays ahead of me no longer matters?
For the record, I hate this. I hate this so much. I know life is too short but I no longer have a life.
for everyoneDon’t know what’s worse
I don’t know what’s worse: not having any contact with him or what we’re doing now?
As if it wasn’t obvious, I cannot stay away. No matter how much I know it’s gonna hurt I just miss my cousin too much. He’s online most of the time as am I so I frequently see his name in my friend’s list. I deleted him once only to add him once again. Now, I’m undecided (and yet I know what I would eventually do. It’s kinda predictable, isn’t it?) whether it will hurt me more to cut him off my life completely or what we’re doing now, pretending nothing ever happened?
Yes, pretending. As if we could ever forget those trips to the cemetery, the fact that instead of attending the prom we watched the sunset, the way we stayed up late just wasting our (text) loads. Or how about the time we went to Luneta, my poor sense of direction, the battle of the bands and the moments I would just lean on him? Well, maybe he could forget. If not, maybe he could make no big deal about all we’ve been through. But not I. I can’t just disregard all of that.
The fact of the matter is he’s the only one I ever truly trusted. I trusted him with my soul. If he sold it to the devil I knew there was good reason and would not ask him to change his mind. He was the only person whose opinion of me mattered.
For the record, it’s 10:32PM and I’m chatting with him.
And now we’re in a one-way road. We can’t turn back and there seems to be no fork in the road. It seems we have to continue on with this single line until we’re too far from where we were once before. Sigh. Should I just keep looking back when I know what lays ahead of me no longer matters?
For the record, I hate this. I hate this so much. I know life is too short but I no longer have a life.